Category Archives: Lists of Laughs

10 Thoughts Inspired by Obama’s Beached Limo

For those who missed the video from Obama’s visit to Ireland this week, click above for a good belly laugh. Then, ponder these thoughts that immediately struck me:

  1. One fine example of superior design, performance, and handling that result from government ownership of Cadillac.
  2. The President enjoyed a tall Guinness while in Ireland. How about the limo driver?
  3. Terrorists cannot stop this vehicle with bullets or bombs, but now they are plotting to install BIG SPEED BUMPS!
  4. Just what, exactly, did the driver expect to see when he got out and took a look at the beached limo? Einstein!
  5. Next time, bring the more practical HUMMER LIMO with higher ground clearance!
  6. How did the President miss a priceless photo opportunity by not getting out to push?
  7. Word has it that the occupants of the limo abandoned ship and took a different car. Why didn’t they blow up the beast before leaving?!?
  8. One more reason limos are just plain DUMB (previous limo post:
  9. How many bureaucrats does it take to un-beach a limo? Trick question. Bureaucrats are hopeless.
  10. First, Obama recognizes his ancestry. Then, he leaves behind a tale to be passed down for generations. What a guy!

10 Things More Difficult Than Finding Osama Bin Laden

Bin laden

Image via Wikipedia

  1. Getting the attention of the Pakistan military in the middle of the night.  Wow, do they look like donkeys or what?
  2. Saying “Obama got Osama, oh Mama!” 10 times really fast.
  3. Getting one straight story about what actually happened in the raid on Bin Laden’s compound.  On the bright side, it is a story that just keeps giving–a new version every day!
  4. Imagining a better movie script than the Bin Laden mission.  You cannot make this stuff up.
  5. Finding another country as ballsy as the USA.  Way to flex our muscles, Obama!
  6. Reading/listening to the media without finding some idiot talking about the legality of what we did to kill Bin Laden.  Yeah, like we needed another OJ Simpson trial!
  7. Believing the part about us dumping Bin Laden’s corpse into the ocean (euphemistically “burial at sea”) AS A GESTURE IN RESPECT OF THE ISLAMIC FAITH!  Maybe we should have tossed his corpse into the helicopter blade to scatter his remains at sea.
  8. Constructing a better oxymoron than “Pakistani Intelligence”.
  9. Getting Bin Laden to provide the long-form version of his death certificate to doubters of his demise.
  10. Believing rumors that Bin Laden’s compound will be converted into a bed and breakfast.

Orville & Wilbur Never Imagined Such Lunacy

First flight of the Wright Flyer I, December 1...

Image via Wikipedia

Shout Out to Contributors (like at the Emmy’s, only different): Thanks to Jim in Edina, MN, and Ed somewhere near Milwaukee, WI, for much of the raw material here.  Jim, your gamesmanship for the perfect seat on the plane is surely unmatched by any other frequent flier.  Ed, I am indebted to you for more than this post.  You helped me to reshape my career with a big break back in 1999 and a promotion into my first marketing job in 2000.

It was just 107 years ago that Orville and Wilbur Wright made history in Kitty Hawk, North Carolina.  In a century, we have gone from primitive flight for intelligent humans to advanced flight for idiots, or so we are treated once on board.  The insanity is abundant…

  • How to Fasten a Seat Belt: Are we REALLY that dumb?  If so, wouldn’t it be best for mankind to let those who cannot figure it out perish?
  • “In the event of a water landing…”: With the exception of one miracle on the Hudson River in New York a couple of years ago, I believe water landings pretty much all end the same way: FISH FOOD!
  • “The bag connected to your oxygen mask may not inflate.”: Who the hell cares about the bag?!?  Too much information!  If we can breathe, that is pretty much all that matters.
  • Seat Backs & Tray Tables Up for Landing: Or what?!?  This is a senseless drill.
  • Cell Phones Off: If cell phones could down an airliner, terrorists would have tried this one already.  Ridiculous!
  • Exit Aisle Passengers Must Assist Others: If there is a chance to get out, it is every man for himself.

Wandering Mind Considers Life, Limos, & the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile

Weiner Mobile

Image by DollyKnickers via Flickr

It was prom night in my neck of the woods last Friday.  It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out.  I crossed paths with 3 limos on my way to Target, and then I saw 3 young couples wandering around the store who looked like they had just jumped out of a horse-drawn carriage at the royal ball.  WHAT were they doing at Target?!?  Anyway, back to the limos.  Human nature being what it is, I couldn’t resist the temptation to gawk and consider the OBVIOUS questions…

  • Why is a really long car such a neat thing anyway?
  • If a limo goes through a car wash, is the front end getting waxed while the back end gets hot suds?
  • Has anybody ever parallel parked a limo?
  • If you lowered a school bus, tinted the windows, and decked out the interior, would it make a kick butt limo?
  • Is it more fun to ride in a limo or to BE SEEN in one?
  • If BEING SEEN in a limo is cool, then why do they tint the windows?
  • What is cooler, a limo or the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile?
  • If burning rubber is cool, why don’t limo drivers do burnouts?

Fodder Fodder Everywhere! CONTRIBUTE!

What started out as an experiment–me blogging random musings on life at the urging of family, friends, and others–has turned out to be fun.  The posts are short, and they take me just a few minutes each to crank out.  The bigger challenge is choosing the best topics for the posts.  Sure, there is plenty of fodder out there to last a lifetime, but the best raw material comes from readers.  Just ask Scott Adams, the comic strip writer behind Dilbert, a strip that pokes fun at the business world.  His readers have kept him going everyday for years.  I am looking for topics that inspire us to think about the strange, ridiculous, wacky, frustrating, humorous, or wondrous aspects of everyday life.  Whereas rubbing shoulders with a celebrity might be considered a brush with fame, consider this your opportunity to have a brush with obscurity–some guy who nobody knows and probably never will.  In exchange for your contributions, I will give you a SHOUT OUT when I use the topic you submit so that everybody reading this blog will know you (first name and city/state only).  Please provide your city/state with your submissions, and thanks in advance!

Ideas may be submitted directly to me at

Is this my calling?

I sure as hell hope so!  Like a lot of people, I have spent my life pursuing happiness and fulfillment in places near and far.  We have all heard a similar expression, “Find something you love to do, and BLAH BLAH BLAH.”  OK, so “BLAH” isn’t exactly how it goes, but the point is that we just need to find what we love, and the rest will take care of itself.  Well, I love to write, and I have heard friends, family, and colleagues tell me for years that I should blog.  OK, I am blogging!  THIS IS MY BLOG, OH LORD!  NOW SHOW ME THE WAY!  Maybe I am expecting too much too soon.  Anyway, I hope you will tune in regularly (or better yet, subscribe over on the right bar!), as the marketer in me thinks that you will help to make my dreams come true.