So there I was scanning my must-have stuff in the self-checkout lane at IKEA. Funny how less human interaction is preferred by many, while we all stand in line talking, tweeting, or Facebooking on our cell phones. But I digress. I got to the end of my scanning, and I was ready to pay. BUT WAIT! The friendly checkout terminal first needed to ask me to donate $1 to plant a tree. Given the number of trees that give their lives to assemble-at-home furniture sold by IKEA, I suppose this is IKEA’s way of clearing their conscience. But all I had in the cart was a bunch of molded plastic–no wood this time. I figured I would choose “NO”. But that option wasn’t available, only “NO TREE”. Somehow, choosing “NO TREE” made me feel like a real jerk. I’ll bet they could increase donations further by rephrasing the “NO” button to one of these options:
- NO, I AM A SICK BASTARD WITH NO CONSCIENCE.
- NO, I VALUE $1 MORE THAN RESTORING EARTH’S ECOSYSTEM.
- NO, BUM A BUCK OFF THE NEXT PERSON IN LINE.
- NO, IF TREES WERE ON LIFE SUPPORT, I’D PULL THE PLUG.
- NO, I HAVE HIT MY DEBT CEILING.