Shout Out to Contributors (like at the Emmy’s, only different): Thanks to Jim in Edina, MN, and Ed somewhere near Milwaukee, WI, for much of the raw material here. Jim, your gamesmanship for the perfect seat on the plane is surely unmatched by any other frequent flier. Ed, I am indebted to you for more than this post. You helped me to reshape my career with a big break back in 1999 and a promotion into my first marketing job in 2000.
It was just 107 years ago that Orville and Wilbur Wright made history in Kitty Hawk, North Carolina. In a century, we have gone from primitive flight for intelligent humans to advanced flight for idiots, or so we are treated once on board. The insanity is abundant…
- How to Fasten a Seat Belt: Are we REALLY that dumb? If so, wouldn’t it be best for mankind to let those who cannot figure it out perish?
- “In the event of a water landing…”: With the exception of one miracle on the Hudson River in New York a couple of years ago, I believe water landings pretty much all end the same way: FISH FOOD!
- “The bag connected to your oxygen mask may not inflate.”: Who the hell cares about the bag?!? Too much information! If we can breathe, that is pretty much all that matters.
- Seat Backs & Tray Tables Up for Landing: Or what?!? This is a senseless drill.
- Cell Phones Off: If cell phones could down an airliner, terrorists would have tried this one already. Ridiculous!
- Exit Aisle Passengers Must Assist Others: If there is a chance to get out, it is every man for himself.